Captain’s Log July 15, 2012

*recently while cleaning my room to pack to go back to school i found some papers from field training…it was like a little journal i kept towards the end.  i thought i’d share my thoughts from that time.  No judgments, and don’t mind the spelling errors; it was rough out there and I was going through some things.*

 

“So apparently I lack motivation and my attitude needs improvement…At least that’s how it appears to my peers.  Last night I decided that for now on out; until I leave this place in its entirety, I’m turning over a new leaf.  I gotta start being more positive, even if this really is the pits.  People said some real ish yesterday I gotta take it all in and start bein a Boss.  of course I completely disagree with them sayin i’m not motivated.  If that was the case I woulda been chucked the deuces.  But anywho, these prayer circles my tent does every night have been helping a little bit too; I’m gonna start back with my meditation today though.  I think that would really help me out a lot.  overall i just need to get back to being the Rock Start I am, no more foolishness.  On a positive note, today a bird landed on this kid’s head; it was totally awesome, frickin hilarious man.  I’ve decided to also take someone’s advice and set small daily goals for myself.  Today (aside from making meals) my goal is to not show frustration, i think so far I’ve been good to go.  

so yesterday we got to go to the museum.  Very cool getting to see stuff (not really of course) but just glad to get off the COL.  Did of course see interesting stuff about the people.  Kind of my motivation for today.  I wish they had had more though, that would have been nice.  Like seein that stuff today basically tied into my thoughts on my surroundings so far since I’ve been here and on the future too I guess.

Like bein the only Black female in my squadron makes me feel some kinda way about life.  Like i represent a ridiculously small population out here and if i don;t make it here I’m letting down the people.  There was an exhibit of a lady I saw today; Major Charity Adams, lady was the first Black woman to become a commissioned officer in WAAC.  I aspire to be like her.  I mean obviously I can’t be the 1st but I can still do great and awesome things, see something I want and just go for it hard-core, no stopping.  Cause I wanna stand for something and represent great things and I really truly believe I can and will I just think I have an obstacle; which would be myself.  In these last couple of days I’m determined to channel my inner-self.  It’s about to go down! *In my Kevin Heart voice*

Its refreshing to know that other people feel the same way…*more to follow*”

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